


Groundhog Day

by JCapasso



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCapasso/pseuds/JCapasso
Summary: When Audrey watches Duke die in the accident, she realizes how much she cares about him and can't help but kiss him the next morning. When he realizes that he won't remember anything the next day, he takes drastic measures in an attempt to secure his future happiness, or at least mitigate the damage.
Relationships: Duke Crocker/Audrey Parker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Groundhog Day

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Chris Brody doesn't exist. I never liked him and he's just in the way lol.

Audrey woke up to her reminder about career day and furrowed her brow in confusion. Had she accidentally set it for daily? She grabbed her phone and stopped short at the date on it. It was yesterday again. Actually…come to think of it…she didn’t remember going to bed yesterday either. She had been at the scene of the accident and then…she was waking up again. Oh crap. She’d seen this movie. She got up and quickly got ready. She would just have to try and stop the accident. That had to be the trigger. On her way out, Duke was drawing on the specials board again and she remembered his comment about the rent, so she took a minute to give it to him to before heading distractedly into town. 

After a brief stop at the school for career day, she tried to convince Nathan about the groundhog day they were in and he eventually believed her and they went to try and stop the accident. She was looking around for the kid in green shoes when she heard Duke calling her name. She had forgotten to sign the rent check. She let herself laugh at his teasing even as she hit him for it before he headed off to the bank with the now signed check. She was just starting to relax and think that maybe she had managed to avoid the accident after all when she heard it. She dashed around the corner and felt her heart stop when she saw Duke lying on the ground. 

When he managed to focus on her and call her name in what seemed almost like a plea for help she felt the hysteria welling up inside her and she screamed hysterically, “Did anybody see what happened?!” She didn’t get a response as Duke’s breathing got worse and she took his hand in hers as the tears started to fall. “You weren’t here before. You weren’t here. Wh…the rent check. Did I do this?” 

“Ambulance is on the way,” Nathan said as he ran up. 

“No, you can’t die. Don’t die,” she begged. 

Nathan moved his hand to Duke’s chest like that could help his breathing. “Duke…”

Duke lifted the hand that Audrey wasn’t holding to Nathan’s arm and managed to get out, “Yeah, yeah.” He got what Nathan was trying to say. 

“I, uh,” Nathan tried. 

“Shut up,” Duke breathed out. He didn’t need to hear it. 

When Audrey noticed his breathing stop and his grip on her hand go slack, she just cried, “No…No! What about the green shoes huh? It wasn’t supposed to happen this way!” She was completely losing it. 

The next thing she knew she was waking up in bed again and she was up like a shot and throwing some clothes on as fast as she could manage, not even caring how many of her buttons were crooked as she barreled out the door and downstairs. Duke apparently heard her coming down because he said, “Oh hey, Parker it’s the fourth of the month…” she cut him off by jumping into his arms and kissing him senseless. He kissed her back slowly as his arms hesitantly wrapped around her, before she pulled back, patting down his shoulders to remind herself that he was okay. “Good morning?” he said happily confused. 

“I’m sorry. It’s just…really good to see you,” she said blinking back the tears from her eyes. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Just…I watched you die,” she had to say. “Please, Duke. Promise me you’ll stay inside today. Don’t go to town. Just…stay here. Please.” 

Duke reached his hands to her shoulders to try and calm her down. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine. Did you have a nightmare?” 

“No,” she shook her head. “Not a nightmare. It was real.” 

“Uh-huh…” Duke said skeptically. 

“Look…it’s one of those Haven things okay? A-a-a groundhog day thing. There’s this accident. I tried to stop it last time and it got you instead and just…please, Duke.” 

“Groundhog day huh?” Duke said thoughtfully. “And you’re the only one who’ll remember?” 

“And presumably the troubled person causing it,” she pointed out. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Duke waved that off as he came to a decision. “Take the day off and talk to me.”

“What? No. I can’t. The accident…and I have to get to the school, and…”

“And everything will start back over tomorrow and you can do everything you need to do,” Duke told her. 

“We can’t be sure of that,” Audrey argued. 

“We know how these things work. Unless you prevent the initial thing that caused it, it’ll keep happening and as long as you’re here, you’re not preventing it, so it /will/ start over again. Just…take one day off and get back to it tomorrow,” Duke coaxed. 

“Why?” Audrey asked suspiciously. 

“Because I need to talk to you and I need to not know that I talked to you,” Duke told her. 

“Huh? What about?” she was more than a little confused now. 

“I need you to tell you about me. My secrets and why I’m as screwed up as I am, but I can’t know that you know.”

“Okay that doesn’t make any sense,” Audrey shook her head. “I mean, if I was the one who wouldn’t remember, then yeah, but…”

“How about instead of wasting time telling me what makes sense you just ask me why?” Duke said almost amused. He would have been far more amused if the situation weren’t so serious and he wasn’t downright terrified about what he was about to do. 

“Okay, why?” she got his point. 

“Because every person in my life who’s ever gotten close enough to see the real me has thrown me away like garbage. And you’re already too close for comfort and judging by that kiss out there…if you’re going to walk away, I need it to be now. And I need to not know how deep that rejection goes,” Duke told her. 

“A-and if I don’t walk away?” she asked, almost understanding why he wanted to do this. 

“Then you still know me better than anyone else and understand me in a way that no one else could without me having to get into the crap that I don’t ever even want to think about again much less talk about,” Duke shrugged. “So…stay? Take the day off?” 

Audrey hesitated for a long moment before nodding. His death had scared the hell out of her. The idea of losing him before ever figuring out how she felt about him which she now knew was more than she had thought. Not to mention his words about people throwing him away hurt and she needed to prove that he was wrong, but she was also nervous enough about his past and even his present that she couldn’t be sure if she /could/ prove him wrong so if she could do this without hurting him any more than necessary that was a gift that she couldn’t pass up. “Okay. Just one day.” 

“Great,” Duke said, waving her inside. “Do you know how long we have? Is there a timeframe for this whole…reset thing?” 

“Right at noon,” she told him. 

“Okay, good. So we have a few hours then. Come on to the kitchen. I’ll make us up some waffles while we talk.” He was glad that he didn’t open until lunchtime during the week. This was very much /not/ a public thing. “Okay, so…I guess the beginning is the best place to start,” he shifted nervously, glad that he could busy his hands and at least a small part of his mind with the cooking. “Not long after I was born, my mother took off. Left me with my dad. He wasn’t a horrible parent, but he left a lot to be desired. Wasn’t really /present/ much, but he didn’t knock me around or anything, so that was a plus. But then when I was eight, he died. The paperwork was just about to go through for the state to declare me an orphan when my mother showed up again, talking about ‘reuniting the family’. Like the idiot kid I was I actually believed her. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that I was just her next meal ticket. She turned my dad’s place into a flop house, but it was only a few months before social services shut /that/ down, and then she was gone again.”

“You didn’t tell anyone? Try to get some help?” 

“Help?” he scoffed. “From who? The state? Bouncing around from foster home to foster home for the next decade? You think I’m screwed up /now/?” 

“Point,” Audrey said with a wince. She remembered all the different foster homes that she…or rather the real Audrey…had grown up in. She didn’t blame him for doing anything to avoid it. 

“She showed up every month long enough to pick up the welfare checks,” he continued the story. “Never left anything for me of course. I was never anything but an afterthought…if that. Most of the time she would come while I was at school without even waiting around to check in. Only way I knew she’d been there was the mail on the table…minus the checks. I had to make my own way, but it wasn’t like I could actually get a job or anything, so I learned to lie, cheat, steal, run a con, whatever I could do to get by. To pay the bills and get food and clothes. I was good at it too. Found my niche. When I turned eighteen and the welfare checks stopped coming, so did mom. I didn’t see her again at all until a few years ago when I literally ran into her on the street in Boston while I was running a job there. She wanted to score some dope off me, but she didn’t have any money. She said she could pay me ‘some other way’. She didn’t even recognize me,” he sneered as he put the waffles on the iron and then poured himself a bourbon, offering her one too and surprised when she accepted. 

“I can’t even imagine how you must have felt,” she said hauntedly. 

“It was what it was,” Duke shrugged. “I’m not telling you all this to get your pity, Parker. Understand that.”

“I know,” she nodded quickly. He wanted her to understand him. And she was starting to. 

“As I got older, I realized that people had to have seen what was going on. They had to have had some idea, but they never cared. No one ever tried to help the little ‘juvenile delinquent’. The ‘bad seed’. I learned from a very young age that the only person I could ever count on was me.”

“You can count on me too, now,” Audrey tried to tell him. 

Duke snorted derisively as he put the plates on the counter and sat next to her to eat. “Can I? How many times have you come to me for help? How many times have I risked everything to help you? And what exactly have you done for me in return? I mean…you did stop throwing threats and blackmail around to force me to help you, which I appreciate, but you’ve never stuck your neck out for my sake. Hell, the only thing I’ve ever asked of you…such a minor thing…you just laugh and refuse every time.”

Audrey wracked her brain trying to think. There had to be things that she’d done for him. “When the boat was highjacked…I saved you.” 

“Well aside from the fact that it was kinda your /job/…that doesn’t count. You needed me as much as I needed you. Not that I’m not grateful of course, because I am. We worked well together. But that was as much to save your own ass as it was mine.” 

Audrey winced as she realized the truth of his words. She and Howard had been locked in the stateroom way before the boat left the harbor and she hadn’t made more than a token effort to get out. She knew that Duke might be in trouble and she let Howard keep her distracted until they were /all/ in trouble. She considered all the times that he’d helped her. Starting from saving her life the day they met. And all he asked for in return was to take care of a few parking tickets. And he could have easily blackmailed her into doing it too, just like she had him in the start to make him help, but he didn’t. Even the one time he was handed the perfect ammunition to do so, he just said ‘It’s not my style’. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” 

“Whatever. None of this is going to matter whenever tomorrow comes anyway because I’ll never remember it. Back on topic…it was my nineteenth birthday when I won the Rouge in a poker game and I wasted no time putting this judgmental town behind me and took my skills out into the world. I got mixed up with some pretty bad people. Got in over my head more than once. Did a lot of things I’m not proud of. The details don’t matter. My wake-up call came when a job went bad. Four people ended up dead. Three innocents and one of my associates. That’s when I decided to take a step back and re-evaluate. I needed to figure out how far I was willing to go. Where I was going to draw the line. What kind of consequences I could live with, because people getting killed was /not/ something I could live with. I realized that I needed some kind of code to live my life by.” 

“Is that when you started getting into Buddhism and stuff?” she asked curiously. By the way the deaths of the people seemed to affect him, it was clear that the ‘things he wasn’t proud of’ didn’t involve murder at least and she could see how, with his past, it would have been so easy to fall into the hole that he did. 

“Yeah,” Duke nodded. “I did a lot of soul searching and the first thing that I decided was that no one and nothing was ever going to control me again. Not even outside factors like addiction or anger or greed or anything. That’s why I started meditating and doing yoga and tai chi. They keep the mind clear of extraneous influences. I couldn’t change who I was…then or now. I’m a crook. A smuggler. A conman. That’s who I’ve always been and who I’ll always be. But I don’t hurt people. I don’t allow innocents to be hurt if I can help it, and I am my own master. I work for myself and no one else. /I/ decide what jobs I take and when. I decide what risks are acceptable and I alone carry the consequences.” 

“That sounds pretty lonely, though,” she said sadly. 

“I enjoy the solitude most of the time. But I wasn’t always alone. Eventually, I met Evi. She became my ‘partner in crime’ so to speak and we worked well together for years. Eventually got married. And then she accepted a job on both of our behalf that she knew that I would never go for. I didn’t do armed robbery. Sneak in, sneak out, yeah, but running in, waving a gun around, threatening innocent people and risking a gunfight starting that would kill who even knew how many…it wasn’t my style. We had a big fight when I refused to do it, no matter what she said or did, and she told me that if I couldn’t ‘man up’ and do what needed to be done then I was useless to her and she walked out on me. Leaving me with a long line of scratches down my face in the process.”

Audrey didn’t need to ask if he had hit her back. She knew better. She’d seen him walk away from fights that he would have been well within his rights to participate in. She’d seen him trying to talk down people who hurt him. Hell he’d been actually tortured when the boat had been highjacked and he’d only gone far enough to get the gun away and then let it go. Duke always avoided violence if at all possible and now she understood why. He’d seen where it led. He’d fallen down that hole, and he didn’t want to end up there again. “Was that the last time you saw her before she came here?” 

“Yeah. Then she just walks onto my boat like she owns the place and starts playing me all over again,” Duke huffed.

“But you’re letting her?” she asked confusedly. 

“I want to know what game she’s playing. And that means playing along until she slips up,” Duke explained. 

“So you’re just pretending to care about her?” Audrey asked nonjudgmentally. She wouldn’t blame him if he was.

Duke sighed heavily. “That would make things so much easier, wouldn’t it? But no. She was my wife. I loved her once. I’ll always care about her. I just don’t trust her as far as I can throw her. And as much as I worry about what she’s going to do to this town, I worry about what this town is going to do to her even more.”

“Do you want me to…I don’t know…make things difficult for her? I mean…it shouldn’t be too hard to get something on her…make her leave.”

Duke snorted derisively. “And what purpose would that serve? She knows where too many of my skeletons are buried and she wouldn’t hesitate to take me down with her. She’s ruined my life more than once already.”

“Okay. Then I’ll let it go,” Audrey agreed. “But if there’s anything I /can/ do…”

“I’m not gonna remember that offer tomorrow, remember?” Duke snorted. 

“Right. I’ll tell you tomorrow then,” she realized. 

“Sure you will,” he said skeptically. “So anyway…once she walked out and I realized she wasn’t coming back, I came back to Haven. I had made my dad a promise before he died that I would come back to town when I was thirty and stick around for a while. I don’t know why he made me promise before you ask, but I wasn’t going to break it, so here I was, back in a town that always hated me, and I tried to reach out to the few people who had been friendly with me. Including Nate. I invited him out for a fishing trip to reconnect, but it didn’t go according to plan. I got involved with the reminiscing and wasn’t paying attention. We got boarded by a coast guard patrol. I didn’t ask Nathan to flash his badge and get rid of them. I had my illicit cargo well hidden. They wouldn’t have found it. But when he found out that I was carrying it he lost his shit and we got into a big fight. He wouldn’t listen to a word I had to say and he’s hated me ever since. Accused me of using him as a cover to smuggle stuff in. Forget the fact that I’d already been in harbor. It was already smuggled in. It just hadn’t been picked up yet. I had no reason to go back out on that fishing trip other than to have fun.”

“But he automatically thought the worst,” Audrey said sadly. 

“Everyone always does. And it’s not worth the fight trying to correct them. They see what they want to see regardless of what I say or do. And when they think I’m just a selfish asshole, I don’t have to worry about them laying any expectations on me that I refuse to try and live up to.”

“Because you won’t let anyone’s expectations control you either,” she nodded in understanding. 

“Exactly,” he smirked. “But then you came along. And you didn’t just accept that. You started digging beneath the surface. You actually cared. And that…meant something to me. You got behind my walls before I even knew what was happening and now here we are. If you keep digging and then walk away once you find the real me…I couldn’t handle that. Not again. Better to put it all out there now when I won’t remember it so I can just think that you finally stopped looking. That you decided everyone was right anyway without really understanding what makes me tick.” 

“And you still think I’m going to walk away?” she asked softly. 

“Everyone does, Audrey. I’m too criminal for the straight-laced and too soft for the criminals. Even my own mother couldn’t stand me. What chance does anyone else have?” 

Audrey moved over to him and took his face in her hands. “You are a good man, Duke Crocker. Criminal or not. Anyone who doesn’t see that is an idiot.” 

Duke pulled away and shook his head. “Just because business has been slow lately with me parked here doesn’t mean that I don’t still do things you would hate.” He considered how much he could risk telling her before deciding in for a penny in for a pound. “That box the hijackers were after on the boat? I had no idea what was in it. It wasn’t my business. I have no idea what’s in most of the boxes I smuggle. I don’t ask, they don’t tell. It’s how I stay in business. That’s why Julia left. She said that she hated the person I’d become. That I could deliver things that, for all I know, could be awful. And she’s not wrong. But that’s who I am.”

“No, Duke. It’s not,” Audrey shook her head. “You refused to smuggle an escaped felon out of the country. You came to us when you found out that Ian was hurting people and wouldn’t get him out either. You helped us take down your business associate when you found out that he was using Vicki’s drawings to kill people. There’s not a doubt in my mind that if you /knew/ that you had something dangerous, you would do the right thing. I think that’s why you don’t ask. You don’t want to know.” 

“You’re right. And I still do it anyway.”

“Yeah. You do,” she sighed. “Why?” She remembered the entire point of this whole thing. “And how does that line up with your ‘code’?” 

“Because it doesn’t matter,” he shrugged. “If I don’t do it, someone else will. And someone else will get the massive amounts of money for it and who knows what they’ll use that money for. The people I work with will always find a way. I might as well get something out of it and take some of those resources out of the hands of even worse people.” 

“Okay,” Audrey said carefully turning that over in her head. It did make sense. It didn’t make it right and she wasn’t sure if she could accept that or not, but she did see his point at least. And she had a much greater understanding of why he wanted to do this. He wanted her to know exactly what she would be getting into if she continued this. What she would have to learn to live with, so that if she couldn’t he didn’t end up any deeper. “Can I ask…when you say that I’m already too close for comfort…what do you mean?” 

I mean…that I’m starting to fall in love with you,” he admitted. 

“Then…wouldn’t it already be too late?” she asked shakily, not really able to respond and he wouldn’t remember anyway. 

“No. Because I can live with never having you. I can live with you moving on and choosing someone else and being happy. Because that’s not a rejection of me, per se, so much as you choosing another path. It wouldn’t be giving me everything I wanted just to snatch it away once you realize who I really am. /That/ is what I can’t live with.”

“Yeah…okay…that makes sense,” she said in almost a whisper. “Duke, I…”

“Don’t,” he held up a hand to stop her. “Don’t…try and decide anything right now. Don’t tell me how you feel or what you think. I won’t remember it anyway and it’ll just be a waste of time.”

“Okay. Fair enough. But can I ask you some things and maybe even get some advice?”

“Sure,” Duke chuckled. “But we might want to move this party upstairs. It won’t be long before people start showing up to open.”

“It’s that late?” she asked worriedly pulling out her phone to check the time. They had less than an hour left. “Yeah okay. Come on.” Once they were settled on her couch, she asked, “Why didn’t you ever try to reschedule our date last year when I couldn’t make it?” 

“You mean when you stood me up?” he asked pointedly. 

“People were dying. I had to work,” she argued. 

“You don’t think I understand that?” he scoffed. “If you had called me and told me that you couldn’t make it, I would have understood. And yeah, I probably would have tried to reschedule. But you /forgot/ Parker. Like I didn’t even matter. I spent hours cooking, and it wasn’t until /I/ called /you/ so that I could get the final timing right on the meal, when you told me you weren’t coming. And it was completely obvious by your tone that not only did you forget, but you didn’t even care that you forgot. I wasn’t even worth remembering. And to top that off, you were dodging my calls for most of the next day. I was dying and you just assumed that I was being clingy or something and just wanted to avoid me.” 

Audrey paled slightly as she realized that he was right. She had felt bad for forgetting, but she hadn’t seen it as a big deal. She remembered that she had known about the stakeout for two days before it happened. Two days that she could have called him. And then the next day…she should have known better. Duke was pretty much the opposite of clingy. Calling her incessantly like that had to have been an emergency and she had just ignored it. She was about to tell him that he was right and apologize, but thought better of it. He didn’t want to hear that. Not today. Instead she forced herself to remember this purpose. “Is there anything I can do to fix it?” she asked. She wasn’t sure yet if she wanted to. If she could live with his lifestyle, despite understanding it so much better now. But she was only going to get one chance to ask this question, and she wasn’t going to waste it. 

“Well for one thing…if you want another chance at a date…you’re gonna have to be the one to ask me this time. I won’t stick my neck out like that again.”

“And…would you accept? Or…or is all screwed up for good?” she asked worriedly. 

Duke snorted amusedly. “You do remember the way I kissed you back down there right? And the fact that despite all that I’m still falling in love with you? Just don’t expect me to trust it right away.”

“Okay. I can live with having to work for it,” she nodded. If she decided to take the chance that was. She had a lot to think about before making that decision. “Any other advice you can give me?” she asked, checking her phone again. 

“If you do decide to continue this…don’t try to change me. Don’t ever try to manipulate me or control me. Accept me the way I am or not at all. Understand that I’m not the talking out my feelings type. Not that I won’t when it’s necessary, but sometimes I just need to retreat into solitude for a while to get my head together. Once I’m steady, I’ll talk if I need to, but until then, just let me handle things my way. I’m sure it goes without saying and I don’t think you’re the type anyway, but I don’t deal with jealousy or possessiveness. If you want me to take a chance on you and trust you, then you’re going to have to extend me the same courtesy. Most importantly…don’t ever push me to talk about all that crap…” 

Audrey jerked awake in her bed with a sigh and took a minute to recenter herself in the new day. Her break was over and now she had to get back to stopping this. She could consider things with Duke later. She pulled out her phone and called Nathan to meet her at the school. She would have to prove to him that she knew what was going to happen which meant that she would need to be where those things happened. She couldn’t stop this alone. She headed downstairs and smiled when she saw Duke at the board and when he opened his mouth to say something she just said, “I’ll get you the rent tomorrow. You’ll thank me later. Just do me a favor and stay here today please?” 

“Why?” he asked suspiciously. 

“Haven’s own groundhog day. If you go into town you’ll die,” she said bluntly now that she had evidence that he would believe her about what was going on. 

“Oookay,” Duke drawled skeptically. “I wasn’t planning on going into town today anyway,” he shrugged. There was always something insane going on in this town and since she was the only one immune to it, there was a good chance that she was right. Even if he had been planning to go, he wasn’t going to risk her being right and ending up dead. 

“Thank you, Duke,” she smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow…eventually.” Duke snorted a laugh and gave her a wave as she got in her car. 

Seeing Nathan die had been almost as bad as seeing Duke die, but at least she got a chance to do it over again. Her encounter with Duke went the same way for the rest of the mornings of the scenario until it finally ended. Not that she liked the way it ended. She wished she could have saved the troubled person causing it, and she was sure that she could have, but he had taken matters into his own hands before she could. She spent one evening wallowing before she put it out of her mind. Just like she always had to. 

Since her day off had ended up being such a disaster, Nathan gave her another day off and her first stop was downstairs to give Duke the rent. “So can you tell me now why I’ll thank you for waiting until today to pay me?” he asked amusedly. 

“Because the first time I paid you yesterday, you went to town to cash the check…”

“And then I ended up dead,” Duke nodded, remembering her telling him that he would die if he went to town on the last run through of the day. “Then…thank you.” 

“You’re welcome,” Audrey grinned before retreating back upstairs to think. She thought about what Duke said about him being screwed up and yeah. He was. But so was she. So was everyone in some way. The questions was whether she could handle the ways in which he was screwed up. And if she even wanted to take that on. She went back over everything he said in her mind. The words he used as telling as the stories themselves. He clearly had abandonment issues after everything that his mom had done, and Evi hadn’t helped either. He also had trust issues which were also understandable, but she remembered every time that he had put his trust in her for one thing or another and that suddenly meant so much more. 

He didn’t think he could count on her though and that hurt. She had to admit that from his point of view she could see why. She wondered if him asking about the parking tickets was some kind of test. One that she consistently failed. He had more than enough money to pay them all off, after all. Parking tickets were minor in the grand scheme of things and given how many lives he’d helped to save…how many times he’d come through when the chips were down…he had earned that and more. She had been so worried about setting a precedent and letting him take advantage of her that she didn’t see that he wouldn’t. She’d let everyone else’s preconceived notions affect hers no matter how much she had tried not to. He just wanted to know that someone valued him enough to stick their neck out for him like he always did for everyone else. And even if he did try to take advantage of her later, she could always say no. It wasn’t like he would turn her in for it. 

She thought about what he’d said about his code. How he figured out the lines that he wouldn’t cross and held to them no matter what. Maybe she needed to come up with the same for herself. Create those hard lines that she wouldn’t cross no matter what. She knew that if she did, parking tickets would never be across that line. She wondered if she should ask him to teach her how to meditate and do tai chi and yoga. Whether she agreed with every aspect of his code or not, the principle behind it was good. What he’d said about clearing the mind from extraneous influence could only be a good thing. Then she remembered what he’d said about letting her get close. No, she needed to figure out what she wanted from him first. She wasn’t going to hurt him that much by getting so close just to pull away later. She knew that as long as she kept things firmly in the line of friends it would be okay, but as long as her emotions were all jumbled up like this, she wouldn’t be able to do that. He was a lot more observant than he let on and she was starting to realize just how much he picked up on. 

She loved how he was so comfortable with who he was. It was one of the most appealing things about him. How he was just so unapologetically himself. She had thought for a long time that he wasn’t interested in improving himself which had irked her, but now she knew better. Granted some real time with a shrink might be able to help, but he wasn’t the type to accept that and she could live with that. She knew, and she was sure that he did too, that burying those kinds of issues would just make things worse. It would make it much harder not to fall into his own darkness and dig himself into a hole that he couldn’t get out of and then he would just hate himself more and get deeper and end up in a vicious cycle. Instead, he recognized and accepted those issues and found ways to work within them to hold onto who he was. That spoke of a strength that she couldn’t even begin to comprehend. 

Surviving all alone in the world from eight years old was another testament to that strength. As someone who had gone from foster home to foster home, it was something that she had considered often. Especially when she was in some of the worse ones. She knew though that she couldn’t have managed. She would have starved or ended up in juvie or who even knew what. But he’d done it. He learned to take care of himself in any circumstances. She wondered if that was why he loved the sea so much. Because out there all you had was yourself and your own skill, knowledge, and wit. It would give him a chance to stay sharp, but also not have to worry about whether anyone cared enough to help him or not because there was no one there /to/ help him. 

She remembered when the boat had been hijacked and once they got it back, he had been running around doing everything he could to keep her above water. Like he’d had a lot of practice at that. She didn’t even see the slightest sign of panic from him despite the fact that drowning was a very real possibility. She wondered how many times he’d been stuck at sea in some disaster or another and had to do just that. It had to be a very steep learning curve. You learn or you die. Then again, his entire life was like that. It was all starting to make sense now. His lifestyle had nothing to do with the weakness of temptation. It was the strength of survival. With that one thought everything that had always confused her about him just slotted into place. 

She knew now that she loved him. How could she not, now that she knew him? But she still needed to figure out if she could live with him, figuratively speaking. If she could be with someone who completely disregarded all of the laws that she had sworn to uphold. Just how far could her own morality stretch before she lost /herself/. She thought back over everything that she’d done since she’d been here. Since she’d been herself and not just a copy of someone else. The deeper she looked the more she realized that she and Duke weren’t that much different. She had been more interested in helping people than upholding the law for a while now. How many deaths had she helped cover up? How many killers had she set free due to them not being fully in control of their actions? She remembered what Howard had said when she was trying to explain. That if they broke the law they needed to be arrested. The whys and hows didn’t matter. She didn’t believe that though. So how did it make her any better than Duke?

She realized that the world was all about the grey areas, and while Duke may be a darker shade of grey, she was still right there with him in the spectrum. They would have been lost more than once without his knowledge and skills. The world needed people like him just as much as they needed people like her. He didn’t hurt people and he helped save people whenever he could. Even when it went against his best interests. That was really all that mattered in the long run. So she would have to turn a blind eye to a lot of things. Big deal. The whole world turned a blind eye to everything that was happening in this town and that’s they way they liked it. It didn’t have to be a bad thing. 

She was about to go down and talk to him before something else dawned on her. Something that she should have considered sooner. Evi. He had said that he ‘loved her once’ implying that he didn’t still, but he said that he did still care about her even if he didn’t trust her. With the way she was always around, even helping out at the Gull…she wished she’d asked Duke if they were together or not. Then again, even if she had she would have had to again now. She wouldn’t like the way she looked otherwise. She needed to be absolutely sure that she wasn’t stepping on any toes before she tried anything. And she needed a plan for when and if she did. 

She’d never asked a guy out before. She’d always been the one being asked and now that she was actually thinking about it, she had a new respect for the courage it must take to do so. She had no idea what to say or even what she could invite him to do. He’d wanted to cook her a nice meal when he asked her out before but she couldn’t cook. Maybe a restaurant then? But he owned a restaurant of his own. Would that be weird? Wait…what about a picnic? Maybe on one of the many landmasses dotted around in the water around here. He might enjoy that. She could get ready-made picnic foods at the market. Yeah, that was a good plan. She would do that. 

She headed down to the Gull for dinner, hoping that Duke would be there, but even if he wasn’t she was starving. She had been so lost in thought that she hadn’t eaten anything all day. She didn’t see Duke when she got there, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. He was always in and out. Or playing around in the kitchen. She couldn’t help but chuckle when he brought her food to her himself. Someone must have told him that it was for her. “Hey, Duke, can I ask you something?” she asked before he disappeared again. 

“Sure, what’s up,” he asked sliding into the seat opposite her. 

She was glad that Evi was behind the bar right now. It gave her an reason for this conversation rather than it coming out of the blue. “I notice that Evi has been around more and was just curious…I mean…I know you were married before and…”

“We’re not together if that’s what you’re asking. I’ve ridden that crazy train before and have no intention of jumping back on,” he chuckled. “She just won’t go away so she’s helping me out with a few things. Why do you ask?” 

“Well…I was thinking…wondering actually…if maybe you wanted to…I don’t know…have a picnic with me or something…sometime,” she stumbled over her words. 

“You mean like a date?” he asked, more than a little amused at her attempt to ask. 

“Yeah…I-if you want…I mean…” 

“Sure. When?” he interrupted before she hurt herself. 

“Oh…um…Saturday? Lunch?” she suggested. “I mean, I can’t promise that some trouble thing won’t come up and I’ll have to cancel of course, but I’ll call you as soon as I can if I can’t make it.” 

Duke considered for a moment, before nodding. “Yeah. I know the perfect spot if you don’t mind taking the Rouge?” They had tried this before and he’d been burned, but clearly it mattered to her now or she wouldn’t have pushed through her obvious nerves to ask. Maybe it could be different. He could give it one more chance. 

“Yeah. That sounds perfect. I’ll meet you there at eleven? With the food?” 

“It’s a date then,” Duke grinned reaching over to give her hand a squeeze before getting up and heading back to the kitchen. One of the cooks had called out which was why he was pitching in, so he shouldn’t be away for too long. He was more than glad that he’d made time for that conversation though. Even if Evi would be a nightmare when she found out. She’d been trying to get back in his bed since she showed up. Had even succeeded once or twice, but he had always made it perfectly clear where he stood with them and he wasn’t going to risk screwing things up with Audrey no matter how much she tried to tempt him now. By the time the dinner rush was over and he left the kitchen, Audrey had already finished eating and left. 

The next morning, the first the Audrey did when she got in was pull all the information about Duke’s parking tickets. “What are you working on, Parker?” Nathan asked when he came in. 

“Getting rid of Duke’s parking tickets,” she told him, having no intention of hiding it. 

“You can’t be serious,” he scoffed. 

“Yeah. I am,” she said firmly. “How many times has he bailed our asses out of the fire? How many people has he helped us save? You don’t think a few stupid parking tickets are the least we can do in return?” 

“You know if you do this it’s just going to be the tip of the iceberg right?” Nathan tried to point out. “He’s just gonna keep asking for more and more until /you/ end up in trouble.”

“I don’t think he will. But even if he does, I can always say no when it gets there,” Audrey told him. “Unless you think I’m weak and gullible enough to let him lead me around by the nose?” 

“No, of course not, but…”

“Then there’s no reason for me not to do it,” she finished the conversation as she signed off on the last one. 

“Okay, so how did he finally convince you,” Nathan asked curiously. 

“He didn’t,” she shrugged. “Hasn’t brought it up in a while.” She didn’t count the groundhog day conversation. That wasn’t him asking her to do it and even if it was he didn’t remember it so she wasn’t going to let Nathan think less of him for it. “It just dawned on me that he does so much for us and doesn’t actually ask for much in return, so this is the least we can do.” 

“Just be careful, Parker. Don’t let his recent helpfulness blind you to who he is.”

“Oh, I know exactly who he is, Nathan. Don’t worry. My eyes are wide open.” He was the one who didn’t see Duke clearly. She wasn’t planning on telling Duke about the tickets though. Let it be a nice surprise for him whenever he managed to figure it out. 

The rest of the week was relatively slow and Audrey went to the market Saturday morning and got everything that she needed for the picnic including a nice basket. She grabbed her big flannel blanket from her couch and headed down to the Rouge at almost exactly eleven o-clock to find Duke leaning against the side of the boat expectantly. She had just put her first foot on the boat when he phone rang and she groaned. “Did you plan that?” Duke asked suspiciously. 

“No. I promise you I didn’t. Hang on.” She pulled the phone out of her pocket and answered it. “Please tell me this isn’t about a case?” 

“I’m not sure yet,” Nathan told her. 

“Is it immediately life-threatening for anyone?” 

“Not really, no. At least not yet.”

“Then can it wait a few hours? I kinda have plans,” she said impatiently. 

“Yeah. Sure. Call me when you’re free.”

Audrey hung up the phone and put it in her pocket and stepped the rest of the way onto the boat causing Duke to raise an eyebrow at her. “We good to go?” 

“Yep. All good,” Audrey assured him. 

Duke was starting to wonder if this could actually be real. If she was putting him ahead of her job except in life and death situations, did that mean that it could work this time? That thought was at the forefront of his mind during the entire trip and when they stepped off the boat onto Fisher’s reef he had come to a potential conclusion. He waited until they were sitting and pulling the food out of the basket before he told her, “You know, this will go much easier if you just tell me in advance what you’re buttering me up for.”

“I’m not buttering you up for anything,” Audrey chuckled, despite how much it hurt that he couldn’t accept this at face value. 

“Then what is this about?” he asked confusedly. 

“It’s about a date,” she said. “That’s it.”

“That’s it?” he asked again.

“Yes, Duke,” she reached over and put her hand on his. “This is all I want.”

Duke turned her hand over to thread their fingers together before pulling her to him and kissing her. Partially it was a test, but mostly he just hadn’t been able to resist and when she kissed him back he finally found himself starting to believe it. As much as part of him wanted to keep going and never stop, there was no point in letting all this food go to waste so he pulled back enough to rest his head against hers and whisper breathlessly, “We should eat.” 

“Mhmm,” Audrey mumbled in a daze, head not clearing until he moved further away and she blushed brightly as she realized how lost she’d been. She’d kissed him before, not that he remembered it, but this was…so much more. Maybe part of it was just because she realized how much she actually loved him now, but this time he hadn’t been confused and just going along with it. This time he had started it and been fully present, and holy hell he was an amazing kisser. 

Lunch was spent with frequent touches and light conversation and once the food was done and packed away, she kissed him again and they both lost themselves in it. It wasn’t until Audrey was laying on the blanket and Duke was leaning over her as her hands played with the buttons on his shirt as if asking for permission that Duke realized what he was doing and pulled back, but he couldn’t bring himself to go far, even if his words were creating the most distance. “We shouldn’t do this,” he breathed out. 

“Why not?” she asked. If he didn’t want to she wasn’t going to push anything but he didn’t say that he didn’t want to. Not to mention that the way he was still leaning over her noses brushing and breath mingling and the way his thumb was still caressing her side where her shirt had ridden up told her that he definitely didn’t want to stop, so she needed to know why he was trying to. 

“You don’t really know me, Audrey. If you did…”

“I know you better than you think, Duke,” she assured him. “I see more than you realize.” She wouldn’t tell him about the groundhog day conversation. He hadn’t wanted himself to know and she would respect that. But that didn’t mean that she couldn’t tell him about some ‘observations’ she had made and prove that she understood him even if she wasn’t supposed to know why he was that way. 

“I know you think you do, but…”

“I know that you’re trying to pull away right now because you’re scared. You’re afraid that I’m going to see some deeper part of you and walk away, but you don’t need to be scared, Duke. I see you,” she said softly, reaching her hand to brush over his cheek. “I know that no matter how much you prefer being alone most of the time that you still get lonely. I know that you pretend that it doesn’t bother you when people think the worst because you don’t want them to know how much it hurts you when they do. I know that you’re afraid to trust anyone because you’ve never been able to count on anyone but yourself. I know that you’re a criminal and that’s never going to change, but you’re also a good man, Duke. You have a good heart. Even if no one else can see that, I do. And in the end that’s really all that matters. At least to me.” 

“Audrey…” he breathed out desperately. Desperate to believe. Desperate to let himself fall. 

“I love you, Duke,” she whispered. “And if I need to wait for you, I will. I’m not walking away. Now or ever.” 

That was the end of Duke’s resistance as he lowered his lips to hers once more and they picked up where they left off. As his lips moved to her neck and shoulders he couldn’t help the quiet, “I love you, Audrey,” that slipped from them.

**Author's Note:**

> This is as much just an exercise of trying to get into their heads better as it is an actual story. If you want an ending, I'm imagining the same ending as my story First Date. If you'd like I can copy and paste that here in a second chapter so it's more connected. Just let me know.


End file.
